Seras' Thoughts - by Matoska - Anime - http://www.hellsingfanfic.net/hellsingfanfic/Seras

Seras' Thoughts on the People Who Shaped Her

My name is Seras Victoria. I work for the “no longer quite so secret” Hellsing Organization. Since the “Undead War” ended and reconstruction of London has begun, vampire and freak attacks are down. I have plenty of time on my hands so I find myself thinking a lot. Today I find my mind rolling around the people who shaped the person, or Draculina if you will, I am today. They are easy enough to count on one hand. Actually it’s sad to think there are so few who shaped me into what I am today.

First there were the two thugs that burst into our quiet little home slaughtering my parents, wounding me and leaving me for dead. This is actually more of an event that helped to shape me than the actual people, but it was their actions that helped to turn me into a killing machine. The attacker that was raping my mother’s corpse was my very first victim. I remember mother hiding me in the closet, hearing her and father scream and beg for mercy and then the two thugs laughing. I peeked out from my hiding place to see the one having his way with my poor dead mother. The rage that hit me was overwhelming and I grabbed the first thing I could, a dinner fork, and repeatedly stabbed him with it to get him off my mother. I nailed him in the eye a couple times and later found out he died of complications from that injury – just another piece of trash disposed of. His buddy shot me and they left thinking I would die. I learned to become quite stubborn and protective of others from this.

Then there was my D11 team mate Simon who encouraged and pushed and prodded me to complete all the rigorous training required to become a part of an elite D11 squad. I was one of the few and the youngest woman to be on a D11 squad. Simon and the other guys nicknamed me “Kitten” which goaded me to work all the harder. One of our first missions was the Cheddars incident – we were all killed, including me, yet I alone am still here. I’m still here at Hellsing.

When I came to Hellsing the only person to give me the time of time was dear Walter. Walter was Sir Integra’s butler, cook, and assistant, what-have-you. Dear, kind Walter talked with me like I was a person with a functioning brain & feelings and not just some abomination that should be annihilated. Walter always made it a point to include me in things, like his garden, celebrations, training with the soldiers and even missions on occasion. Walter was like the father I lost. He nurtured me, encouraged me (especially when it came to being true to myself and keeping my humanity), laughed & cried with me. Walter is undoubtedly the one I will miss and remember the most. Damn Millennium for taking him away from Hellsing and Double Bloody Damn them for taking him away from me! I feel the loss of Walter much harder than that of Pip.

I realize now I had a crush on Pip and nothing more. It was so gallant of Pip to give me his blood and encourage me to fight on even with the odds so against me. Somehow he always knew I would come out on top. Sometimes I miss his vulgar comments and even the Eskimo Song, but I don’t really feel the sense of loss as I do concerning Walter. Sure I will miss Pip and respect Pip’s sacrifice but he was just another soldier, just like all the other soldiers that gave their lives to save the human race. I will always remember him as an excellent soldier with a slightly perverted streak.

Lastly there’s my Master: Alucard, Vlad III, Vlad Tepes, Count Dracula no less. Master did and did not have the most influence on me. It’s strange to put it that way… did and did not… but it is true. Master offered me the choice that I accepted and he changed me into a vampire which is a huge part of who I now am, but by the same token he made me fight all the harder to keep my humanity. Master of course wanted me to lose my humanity, but I never gave in to his desire for that. My humanity is too much of who I am and I will never give it up no matter how hard he tries to goad me into doing so. I will not be an uncaring monster like him, hence his lack of influence on me. His lack of actually teaching me to be a vampire is another lack of influence. Everything I have learned so far and will learn in the future I have done on my own. Master does not have the patience for such things. The one thing Master has any passion for is war and killing.

At one time I was sure he had some kind of passion for Sir Integra but that now does not seem the case. He doesn’t come out of his dungeon cell for much of anything these days. I suspect he misses Walter but Master of course would never admit that since it is too human and beneath him to have such a “feeling”. Suddenly I feel the chill in the air warning of Master’s approach. I wonder what he could possible want since he now knows he’ll never rid me of my humanity. I am Seras Victoria and I always will be more than human, more than just a monster.

END

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