The Child of Seras - by MindAsylum - Anime - http://www.hellsingfanfic.net/hellsingfanfic/The_Child

The Child of Seras

Chapter IX Continued

Then, just as quickly as it came, the all-consuming hatred written on the child’s face disappeared as he let go of the doctor, letting him stumble back off-screen, gasping for air. He looked at the bloodied pen in his hand with a mixture of confusion and horror.

“No,” he whimpered, dropping the pen, holding his head in his hands “NO! I didn’t...That didn’t happen! I never wanted to...”

He was cut off by two burly orderlies dragging him out of the room. The screen went to static.

Seras watched hypnotically as the tape unceremoniously cut to the next session, unsure of what she had just witnessed.

There was Jake again, his hair almost fully white now, trembling in fear and shame. Tears formed in his eyes as he sobbed:

“I’m so s-s-sorry doctor...I tried s-so hard to stop it, but it’s stronger than me.”

“What is, Jacob?” To Seras’ amazement, it was the same voice. Even after what he’d done, Dr. Harding still hadn’t given up.
Jake slammed his hands on the table in frustration, half-screaming; “The MONSTER!”

He cried and cried until his eyes were puffy and red. “Ceil...she always made it go away...she would always protect me. She promised...she promised”

The doctor said nothing for a long while, perhaps waiting for Jake to calm, or because he didn’t know how to react to such a statement. The boy’s sobs simmered down to uneven breaths and fearful trembling, and the doctor spoke.

“Jacob, I’m not saying what you did was right. But you’ve lost so much, and witnessed a terrible thing that only few people have and lived; feeling scared or angry is natural. Right now you just don’t know how to handle what you’ve gone through. That’s why I’m here, to guide you through it. But you have to help me help you.”

“You don’t understand!” he shouted, holding his head, elbows on the table. “Ceil’s gone! Nothing can stop it now!”

“Then the monster you’ve been having nightmares about...the monster you’re speaking of...isn’t the one that took your sister from you?”

“No...” he said, “it’s...in me.”

Jake would say nothing more on the matter. “Lock me up,” he kept saying, “I don’t want to hurt anyone, so just lock me up.” Then he went quiet, and began that unnerving scratching again, which signaled that he was dead to the world until further notice.

Before she could convince herself otherwise, she quickly grabbed the second tape and stuffed it in the VCR, forgetting that there was one already in it. She cursed, replaced the tape and hastily sat back down.

“You’re ready to talk now, is that right, Jacob?”

He hesitated a moment. “Yes.”

“Alright, why don’t you start by telling me when the ‘monster’ first showed up?”

“Are the guards outside the door?” he asked.

The doctor paused a moment, then answered evenly. “Yes. They are waiting. If something should happen, we will be ready.”
Jake drew a shaky breath and began. “It happened over a year ago. Every time I would walk to school in the morning, I had to pass this dog. It was kept on a long chain, so if it heard me coming, it would always chase me halfway down the alley. This time, it almost got me. It caught the back of my ankle. Just another inch and it could’ve torn my heel off. “

“And?”

“I kept staring at the dog. I was out reach, but it was still thrashing against the chain; and I thought: it wants to kill me. Every morning it tried to, and every morning I just ran from it and gave it another chance the next day.”

He swallowed hard, and continued. “My heart started burning. I couldn’t hear anything anymore; except the sound of my own heart beating so loud my ears hurt. All I saw was red. The world seemed to slow down, and all I could think about was how much I hated that stupid dog, how sick I was of running away from it every single day.”

“So what did you do?”

“I...I picked up a piece of rebar that was on the ground, and I...hit it. It fell over and started twitching...” his jaw began to tremble, “and I hit it again. I smashed its head until I couldn’t even recognize it anymore. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t...it was like...I wasn’t...” he choked, tears beginning to well in his eyes. His breathing became ragged, “It was like I wasn’t me anymore.”

“And what happened next?”

“Everything went back to normal again...it was like waking up from a bad dream, only it wasn’t. I was so bloody I had throw my jacket in the dumpster. I ran away and didn’t look back.”

There was a long pause before anything was said. Jake’s eyes darted from the table to the doctor, doubtless wondering how utterly hopeless he sounded.

“Jacob, I don’t think you’re telling me the full story.”

Jake blinked. “W-what?”

“You are not a monster, Jacob. You have a conscience and it’s strong as the best of us; that’s why you’re in so much pain right now. But something is overriding it, drowning it out, and I just can’t imagine that this dog was the only source of it. Did something happen before that morning?”

The VCR fizzled and the screen went to static. Seras tapped against it, trying to get to work, but to no avail. She cursed hastily and ejected the tape. She had gripped it a bit too tightly before she put it in, apparently, as one of the plastic white wheels underneath was damaged slightly.

“Shit!”

Seras stared despondently at the last tape. Her eyes darted to the clock on the VCR—which, amazingly enough was set correctly—and saw that it was 7:00am. She’d been watching these tapes for seven hours straight. But she knew that if she took a break now, she may never work up the nerve to finish these. She took the last tape in hand, feeling her palms sweat for the first time in years, and slid it into the VCR.

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